If you read the first part of our story when Bronson, our 11 year old son, had been suddenly diagnosed with a brain tumor, you would know that it was a pretty overwhelming day. The type of day that makes everything else in the world stand still. All of a sudden nothing else matters. What felt like a big deal yesterday is no longer a thought in your mind. The world could literally be on fire right outside your window and you just don’t care - all you can think about is the new reality right in front of you.
And our reality was, Bronson had a brain tumor. It was large. He needed surgery right away.
Sam and I were running on adrenaline, coffee and almost no sleep when they prepped Brons for surgery at 6am. We had been prepared for a variety of outcomes - specifically, Posterior Fossa Syndrome (PFS): a condition that can occur after pediatric tumor removal, specifically when the tumor is located exactly where Bronson’s was. This syndrome has a range of symptoms like reduced or loss of speech, lack of muscle coordination, and behavioral changes (to name a few). It can be quite awful. And although it is not necessarily permanent, the rehab can take weeks if not months.
After praying with Bronson, it was go-time. We walked out of the pre-op room leaving our precious 11 year old in the hands of capable strangers. We felt numb. Slowly, we made our way off the surgery floor to the cafeteria where we would wait for news.
Sam and I found a table for two nestled in the back of the cafeteria beside great big windows overlooking the busy streets of Toronto. It’s amazing how a pane of glass can separate worlds so distinctly. On the outside, the hustle and bustle of the city never slowed. People still had places to be and things to do, confidently moving along. On the inside, our life had come to a screeching halt. Time moved slowly. We didn’t know where we would be going in the coming days, weeks or months. Fear was gripping us.
When Bronson was two years old, he struggled with fear. Everything from a tiny fly to a scratch on his foot. He would have an absolute fit! It became so bad it was preventing him from getting outside and playing. We read him the Bible verse, Joshua 1:9 that says, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” So, in light of that we started calling him Bronson-the-Brave with the reminder that it is Jesus who makes us brave. From that point on, anytime he was having a ‘moment’ we’d ask him, “Buddy, what’s your name!?” And he’d reply, (often through tears and sniffles) “Bronson the Brave”!! Over time, we noticed a difference. He started walking in the truth of who he was made to be. We have four boys and have given them each a nickname: Lincoln the Leader (our oldest), Micky the Mighty (our most tenacious), and William the Wise (too smart for his own good). We made the choice early on to speak life over these boys based on what God says is true about them. We had no idea what the future held for our Bronson the Brave when we gave him that name all those years ago
At this point few people knew what was going on with Bronson and his surgery so we decided we would put out a quick facebook post asking whomever it reaches to please pray for our sweet Bronson-the-Brave as he underwent this surgery.
Asking our family and friends for prayer was the best choice we could have made. Immediately the messages came flooding in. Hundreds of them. It was overwhelming. Humbling. For hours Sam and I sat at that small table in the window, tears falling as we read each and every prayer, Bible verse and message. It was a gift to our weary souls and combat for the fear in our hearts!
Later, my sister and I were talking and she said I must have prayed harder that day than ever before. I wish I could say that I had! I would certainly appear much more spiritual… but I’m going to let you in on a secret - I didn’t. I couldn’t. I mean, I did pray but it was meager. I wasn’t mad or angry at God. I was just so tired. Completely worn out. The burden was too heavy.
Galatians 6:2 says, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ”. And on that day, we experienced this in a way that’s hard to express.
Our grief was carried by friends, family, and people we barely knew - strangers were weeping and praying over a little boy they had never met. Supernaturally, they were carrying the emotional load that Sam and I had no more strength to carry.
This was the moment we learned an important lesson: what you should never do when you find out your child has cancer… keep it to yourself.
When Sam and I could barely speak the words, you - our dear friends, family and strangers all over the world, petitioned to God in heaven on our behalf. You carried us. You made sure Bronson was covered with prayers. You carried the burden we were physically unable to carry. And that day, everything I understood about the Christian community changed.
As the hours passed, our tears weren’t from fear but from gratitude of the church coming around us. Praying for Bronson. Praying for us. We had complete peace that God was with us. It was supernatural!
Eventually, we went to the recovery waiting room where they informed us although the surgery went well, they were unable to get all the tumor. Bronson will be awake shortly and we’ll know if he suffered any damage.
We were taken to his bed in the ICU. Hours later, he stirred, opened his eyes and groggily said, “Surgery Day”. Thank you, Jesus!!! Not only was his speech clear, he knew where he was and why. Over the next 24 hours he would remain in the ICU where he would recover from the invasive surgery. It was a bit rocky but he could speak and he could swallow - two major benchmarks in a successful recovery. These were miracles, God heard our prayers.
After some pretty intense recovery days, we were finally given his official diagnosis: Medulloblastoma. There are 4 groupings and eventually we would learn that Bronson’s was Group 3- which isn’t a great one to have. This cancer is regenerative in nature so treatment is immediate and aggressive. This meant he was now facing chemo, radiation and a long road to recovery. Not the outcome we were hoping for. But still, our community came around us.
Bronson had two additional surgeries, one for a permanent shunt in his head to remove fluid buildup, the second was for a temporary port in his chest where he would receive future chemo. We would post on social media each day with updates and prayer requests and the support never wavered. Days after each surgery he was walking, talking, eating, laughing. There was definitely pain, tears and hard moments but over all he was crushing it and we know it was in large part to the prayers of the saints and by the grace of God.
While recovering, he needed a wheel chair so I would push him around the halls of the hospital. On one particular day I asked if he wanted to go and sit some where and he said, “No, for your sake, we should walk”. I told him defensively, “I take the stairs every day!” And he quips, “Yeah, but you always come back with a diet coke or a coffee - so it’s a positive-negative”. Stinker.
We put up every poster and picture we received on the walls in Bronson’s room and there was a day a nurse came in and looked around at all the artwork including a poster from his christian school signed by each student. She was moved to tears at the level of support around Bronson. What a testimony of the church!
One of the most common things we hear is, “I can’t imagine going through this”. And I agree - I would have said the same thing! But here’s what I’d say to that - don’t. Don’t imagine it, because when we imagine the worst, we fail to imagine the power of God in the midst of that hardship. I could never have imagined how God would show up time and time again. I could never have imagined how many people would rally around us in prayer and support. How it was possible for strangers to carry the burden of our grief on the hardest day. In imagining this scenario, I would have only felt the fear surrounding “what if”. But God says even if it’s the worst possible outcome, I will be with you. And that’s a supernatural experience you can’t imagine.
As Bronson’s progress continued, we started to get a better picture of what his future treatment would look like. Because the ideal radiation for his cancer was not available in Canada, his next treatment phase would take us out of the country to a place we’d never been. As someone who likes to maintain some sense of control, it’s no shocker that all the details of what this would take were starting to catch up with me.
Little did I know what God was up to and how bananas our life was about to get.
..to be continued.
PS - if you want to give your kids a nickname based in God’s truth, I’ve included an A-Z graphic for you to download! Use it to speak life over your kids (and yourself!)
I’d love to hear what names you’ve picked.
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Thank you!
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