Five years ago I planned to write a book. I believed God had given me a message and I was ready to share it to change lives and maybe the world! (lol…any other naive first time writers out there?) Well, I did not end up writing the book, but interestingly, I clearly remember thinking to myself, “I just feel like I would be able to write this book better in five years.”
In hindsight, I don’t think that message was meant to be a book - it was what God wanted me to understand and LIVE out over the years to come. And, five years later, just as I had assumed, I can definitely say it completely changed my life! I have story after story of ways God used this very message to do more in my life than I could have ever imagined! So I want to share the intro of this little un-published book and give you a fabulous freebie so you can experience the same incredible change! Maybe you can relate to the place I was in and the questions I was asking about my purpose and God’s will for my life.
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Carefully balancing a fresh cup of coffee and my well-worn journal, I sneak outside to one of my favorite places. My foot kicks back behind me just in time to keep the screen door from slamming shut, which would wake the babe from his much needed nap.
I let out a long mama-tired-type-of-exhale and take in the view. There are few days in our Canadian Summers that are free of mosquitoes, flies, rain and humidity but today is one of them. And so, I sit comfortably in my backyard by the swing-set, overlooking our neighbor’s over-grown Christmas tree farm. Steam rises from my cup and the tall grass dances in the warm breeze around me.
Bliss.
It’s also in these quiet moments when the deep aches of my heart have a moment to surface and pour out in tearful prayers. The peaceful countryside, shifting under the shadows of the clouds, remains quiet. I whisper my prayer, not wanting to disrupt the serenity around me.
Jesus, what do you want me to do? I want to live my life with purpose - I want to bring glory to you. But what is “it” that you have for me?
With three kids at home, my time is limited but my heart is willing. I want to do God’s will in my life, but struggle to know what it is. Social media perpetuates my distress as I watch from the outside looking in; others live out the dreams I secretly wish for. Is my ambition bad? Am I being selfish? Questions riddle my mind as I try to discern why I’m in such unrest.
Torn between desire for more and guilt of discontentment, the familiar fear that’s fueled me in this struggle closes in around me. Fear of being misunderstood. Fear of disappointing people. Fear that I will never quite find my purpose. Fear that I will miss out if I don’t look hard enough.
With one last attempt, I plea, Jesus, just tell me what to do – and I will do it! I don’t want to miss out on what you have for me. It’s a half-hearted request because I already figure there will be no answer and I’ll just have to look harder.
Only this time, something was different. There’s a shift in the wind and my heart stirs. I hear His answer. Though not audibly, it’s undeniable. It’s not at all what I expected and yet in a moment, I know things will be so much greater than I could ever imagine.
Psalm 32:8 says, “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye upon you.” This is a promise that He will not only lead us the way we should go, but He will do so lovingly. He is for us not against us. He isn’t hiding the best things from us, He’s saving them for when we are ready!
The answer I received wasn’t what I expected. It wasn’t a to-do list of things that would make me holier or better qualified. It wasn’t a ministry to start, a book to write or anything to pursue.
It was simply this: Relax. Do what I have already told you to do. Trust Me.
Loving conviction flooded my heart with one realization after another. I needed to stop trying to make things happen and trust that God is still in control. Fear is not from God but is a tactic from the enemy used to distract me.
Like the Christmas trees spread out across our neighbors back yard. They are pruned and grown for years before they find their home. They go through scorching hot Summers and crisp long Winters. They wait and they grow. Other trees may be chosen but there will be some who remain and keep on maturing. Then, finally, their day comes. The right person comes along and chooses the tree because it’s a perfect fit. The tree, having gone through all proper grooming over the years is found ready because it’s the perfect size to fit the perfect space.
In that moment, I realized I had made my relationship with God all about me. I may have been reading my bible (almost) daily but was reading with the question of “What does this say I should do?” instead of “What does this say about who God is?” I spent most of my daily prayer in petition, asking God for guidance, insight or anything that would give me a glimpse into what my purpose may be. I read books on finding my calling and took quizzes about spiritual gifts - all in hopes to find the grand purpose of my own life.
I had been pursuing a calling, when I needed to pursue the One who calls.
God brought to my mind faithful men and women in the Bible who were not out looking for opportunities but who were found ready when God approached them. Look up any hero in the Bible and you’ll see what I mean! They were not after purpose - but they were after God.
Noah, surrounded by a culture of wickedness, was found ready when God asked him to stop everything to build an ark (Genesis 6). Joseph, sold into slavery by his own brothers, was found ready when God raised him up to lead the Nation (Genesis 37). Esther was just a young girl when she found ready to be made queen and face a volatile king to request the freedom of her people (Esther 2). Mary, a young virgin teenager, was found ready when God asked her to give birth and be a mother to the baby who would be called the Son of the Most-High-God (Matthew 1).
I had it all backwards.
When hearing God’s gentle reminder to ‘Relax’, I understood that what I really need to do is live faithfully right where I am. I need to put down my phone more often when I’m with my kids. I need to prioritize time with my husband and be intentional about encouraging my friends and serving my neighbors. I need to simply do what God has already asked me to do, which is love Him and love others - and until He calls me to something different, that’s enough.
In a culture that encourages us to take things into our own hands and make things happen, I would love to see the outcome when we plan our lives a little less and prepare our hearts a little more. When we care more about the condition of our hearts than the construction of our dreams.
The power is not in the things we do, but in the God we serve! When we put God first, the risks may be greater, the road may be rockier, and the journey may be unpredictable. BUT the joys will be fuller, the growth will be greater, and we will be found ready when God brings the unimaginable into our lives and lets us play a part in it.
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Oh! If I only knew what was to come in the years ahead when I wrote this. I wish I could share all the crazy stories now, but what I would love to leave with you is what came from this very heart-change experience.
Soon after this, I wrote a goal setting guide for those of us who are tired of chasing human-sized dreams and instead want God-ordained purpose! Since the New Year is appropriate for new-beginnings, I am sharing this now. It’s a free 8-day devotional style goal setting guide. Instead of adding things to our already FULL plates, chasing after things we don’t even know are right for us, it will lead you to discover what God’s purpose for you in this season may be. We look at what God has already given us: time, resources, abilities, passions etc. And let Him lead, to change and prepare us for what He already has in store for us. I’ve called it Procuring Purpose, because sometimes you need to work it out a little bit.
But we don’t strive and we don’t hustle. We keep our eyes on Jesus. We plan a little less, we prepare our hearts a little more, and we trust HIM to lead us right where He wants us. And friends, if we would just get out of our own way, He will do just that. And I promise it will be more amazing than you can imagine!
Grab your free copy of Procuring Purpose here!
It's Time to Discover Your God-Given Purpose!